Ten Thousand Spoons...

So, from the top.

Ben Hollas and Luke Edwards embark on an epic quest to collect a single Warhammer army each in an orderly (and mildly competitively) manner.

This post will be focused on my reasons for turning down 13 of the factions that feature in the Warhammer world. This will be followed by, if you're lucky, a post on why I chose the one that I did.

So let's get down to it...

The following features my opinions on various factions. Your mileage may vary. Ben's certainly does...

Down at the first hurdle

The High Elves

The squeaky clean, if utterly insufferable, magic elves of the Warhammer world.

Ben Hollas is a High Elf. Or, at the very least, an Upper-Middle Elf. I would not feel right stepping into those shoes. Although I did find some allure in painting some High Elves using no white in the palette. I swear, I've never seen it done.

The Empire

Our human heroes of the setting, but truthfully an internally conflicted gathering of realms and states.

The weirdest answer here: The models have too much character. Frankly, it sounds like madness even to my ears, but it is a terrible problem for me. The core units of the Empire are, in my mind 'normal' men, albeit ones trained for war. If I'm going to send out my men I want each unit to be marching out as a unified force. The current Empire troops look too characterful for this. Each one looks like an angry, vicious killer charging forth, not a focused, trained soldier marching in step. That's the breaker for me. I love the rest of the force and I like he idea of playing the force of normal men striking out against the menagerie of horrific foes. Sadly the models look just as horrific to me as the monsters.

"God damn it, Barry! Put some bloody shoes on! We're soldiers for God's sake!"

Bretonnia

Questing knights and their peasant lackies.

I actually quite like the man-at-arms models for the Bretonnians. They successfully give me that 'ranked, normal men' feel that I want from my rank-and-file. Unfortunately Games Workshop doesn't seem to care as much for the Bretonnians. It's been nearly 10 years since their last new army book (some armies have had 3 in the same space of time) and many of their models are now showing their age. A great pity.

Dwarfs

Short, drunk, mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore!

I love blackpowder and giant hammers in equal measure, so Dwarfs (that is the correct plural for Warhammer, apparently) should be perfect. Sadly they are another example of a neglected army long due an update. They have the fewest plastic models (yes, at this stage I'm just using models to spite Mr Hollas' distaste for the term) of any faction and the metal/resin models that fill out the army are expensive to the point of being beyond the means of this particular challenge.

The Lost and the Damned

Daemons of Chaos

Inhuman entities from an alien realm.

When I was 10 this was SO COOL!
Hasn't aged well...

Wonderful models. Spectacular, even. However, the joy of the Daemonic hordes is how it is divided into the forces of the four core gods of chaos: Khorne, the Blood God, Slaanesh, the Prince of Excess, Nurgle, the Plague Father, and Tzeentch (Yeah, good luck with that...), the Changer of Ways. Each represents a different aspect and are as different as can be. They don't tend to get along. I would have had great interest in running an army of Nurgle (all rotten and puss-y) or Tzeentch (all magic-y and unpronouncible), however the current army book doesn't really support this method of play. It seems to be designed so that the player focuses on mixing their forces and I just can't reconcile that in my head.

Warriors of Chaos

Humans who have pledged themselves to the dark gods for corrupted power.

These bulky, armoured men have pledged themselves to those same gods of the daemons above. This army, however, is much more content to allow you to focus on a single god's forces. So far, so good. It is an expensive army monetarily, making up for the fact that you require less men than most forces with some crazy price per model. A way around this for most forces are the Battalion box sets that provide you with a core force for a discounted price. Sounds great, right? It usually is. Usually. Sadly the Warriors of Chaos battalion comes with some Chaos Warrios (Great!), Chaos Marauders (Ugly) and some hounds (Really ugly). So the option that saves me money, and would make them viable in this long term game, is filled with models I don't want. Ah well.

Beastmen

Mutated half-men who infest the forests of the Old World.

Yeah, I'm still calling 'Furry' on this one...

Honestly, I quite like the models for these guys (although 'Furries gone bad' does occasionally come to mind...). However, like the Bretonnians, their army book was written for a different era and even a casual glance over their stats and rules made me realise that they weren't an army I was going to enjoy playing on the current rule set.

The Been & Done

Vampire Counts

Dracula drags the dead on a day trip of destruction.

I love the undead. Shambling zombies and silent skeletons are how I like my hordes. So much so that it has already happened . The last time I played Warhammer it was with the first Vampire Counts army book, many moons ago. I have sold the models, but it is still a case of 'it's been done'.

Wood Elves

Magical pointy-ears from the woods. Just don't call them treehuggers. They don't like that.

Another faction I've done in the past and, like Dwarfs, a faction that is predominantly metal/resin, driving the price up. Both of these things are a pity, as they have some of the most dynamic models in the Warhammer range and I've found them to be a joy to paint.

The Final Few

Dark Elves

High Elves, darkly.

These guys just got a new army book and some nice new models. I like their theme, I like their rules, I like their models. Then GW released their new box for their core troops (which you can't really avoid building your army around) at £20 for 10 men. This is out of line with current prices (generally £20 gets you 16-20 men). I find this unreasonable. Thus I have to pass on these guys, who were high on my list.

Tomb Kings

You remember 'The Mummy'? That. Lots of that.

This wasn't around when I was 10.
It is DAMN COOL!

I do love my skeleton hordes, and nice,quick to paint bone too! Sadly I have the same slight bitterness that Mr Hollas previously expeessed: They had a really nice, interesting and different magic system that was neither overpowered, nor insultingly weak. It was a defining rules feature of a very visually distinct force.

Then Ben and I opened the new army book. The magic had been homogenised into the standard fare of the rest of the world.

With a heavy, nostalgic heart, I'll pass.

Lizardmen

Cold-blooded warriors from the jungle's depths.

I'd quite like to paint these guys. Bright colours, loads of sca
les and gold, and a good amount of variety in detailed models.

So why not? Because I'd fall into my old trap of playing the slow and steady, steamrolling, tough force. There are options for a lighter, skirmishing army, but the battalion box, so important in a money saving challenge, rules that out.

A pity, but perhaps it worked out for the best...

Skaven

Kill, kill! Die, die! Those pesky rat men...

These dirty rats were very nearly my choice. Loads of insane furry rodents wielding insane warpstone powered weapons, firing green lightning, and leading around giant mutated creatures of their devising. I was looking forward to trying out some interesting paint schemes (white rats, grey rats, brown rats, endless rats!).

So why not?

Honestly, because it wouldn't be fair.

You see, the Skaven are part of a Big Boxed Starter Game for Warhammer (along with High Elves). Many people buy this box to get the half they need for their army and put the rest on eBay, making it really, really cheap to buy up basic Skaven. 

Could I just swear off these cheap models for the sake of this challenge? As a competitor: Yes. But, as a sensible human being? No. I'd have to buy those core models early on and I'd be paying far more for the same results buying them seperately.

Sorry ratties, maybe next time.

So what does that leave me with? You'll have to wait and... Or cross reference with Ben's list. Or look at the picture on the left...

Anyway, I'll talk about them next time.